Funny Statuses Quotes For Facebook

 Here, i present you very best of Funny Statuses Quotes For Facebook which of course you can use as your Facebook status

A good friend would bail you out of jail, but your best friend would be the one sitting next to you saying, "damn that was awesome".

I feel sleepy 24x7!....what to do???

"Most people say U have changed but no 1 dares to look into you eyes and say u have compromised a lot"

Best error message of the century
An error shown by a computer:
"No keyboard found.
...Press any key to continue...."

I drink once in a blue moon but the problem is why that blue moon comes so frequently.... lol

In the good old days, girls used to cook like their mothers, NOW THEY DRINK LIKE THEIR FATHERS...

Some people are so useless like "AY" in the word "OKAY"!!!!!!!!

Everyone's a genius, But if you judge a fish on its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing it is stupid."

Women always worry about the things that men forget; men always worry about the things women remember

Love doesn't require two people look at each other, but that they look together in the same direction.

“Who gets the hottest place in hell, the Priest who would take away the innocence of a child or the lawyer that would defend him?”

If I were a computer I'd shut down and reboot my life.

"A person should not be too honest. Straight trees are cut first and honest people are screwed first."

"Flying Förtress - La Fortezza Volante" @ Galo Art Gallery / Torino IT

Getting lst things ready for my trip to Italy for my upcoming solo show there. Opening will be September 10th at my friends' Galo Art Gallery in Torino/Italy.



Mjölnir

So... I wanted to do something simple, with just flat colours, no shading. Of course, things never happen exactly how I want them ^^'.
Mjölnir / Thor's Hammer


On a side note, look at this, these are some great hammer pendants (I especially like the one on top, it's way more "nordic" than my version) http://varglya.blogspot.com/2010/07/recent-works-more-carvings.html

Interesting funny comments in life

True love is like a pillow

You can hug when you are in trouble

You can cry on when you are in pain & You can embrace when You are happy

so when You need true love

spend $20 -Buy a pillow


Marriages are made in heaven then what are made in Hell?

Ans : the days after marriage

I wrote Your name on the sand ............ ....

it got washed away,

I wrote Your name in air......... ......... .........

it got blown away,

So i wrote Your name in my heart....... .......

I got a HEART ATTACK


Your smile can be compared to a flower

Your voice can be compared to a cuckoo

Your inocence to a child

but in stupidity

You have no comparison

You are the best



Dear Friend,

when i ask You flower,

You give me bouquet

when i ask You a stone

You give me a statue

when i ask You a feather

You give me peacock


ARE You REALLY DEAF ?

I had VODKA with WATER

I felt DRUNK

I had WHISKY with WATER

I felt DRUNK

I had RUM with WATER

I felt DRUNK

I SWEAR I'LL NEVER DRINK water....!!!



when i call you;

1 ring means i'm thinking of you

2 ring means i like you

3 means i miss you

4 means ...........pick the phone idiot



Teacher : Four beautiful ladies are walking on the road. change it to exclamatory sentence .

Student : WOW !

SMILE - is a language of love

SMILE - is a source to win hearts...

SMILE - creates greatness in Your personality

SO....

Brush Your Teeth today onwards


I hope you enjoyed these interesting funny comments in life

Defense attorney and a farmer

The following is a courtroom exchange between a defense attorney and a farmer with a
bodily injury claim. It came from a Houston, Texas insurance agent.

Defense Attorney: “At the scene of the accident, did you tell the officer you had never felt better in your life?”

Farmer: “That's right.”

Defense Attorney: “Well, then, how is it that you are now claiming you were seriously injured
when my client's auto hit your wagon?”

Farmer: “When the officer arrived, he went over to my horse, who had a broken leg,
and shot him. Then he went over to roller, my dog, who was all banged up, and shot him.

When he asked me how I felt, I just thought under the circumstances, it was a wise choice
of words to say I've never felt better in my life.”

Thinking Big

Nicht Kleckern... Klotzen.

Nochmal: Happy Birthday, D.!



Verdammt, und schon gleich wieder erwischt!



Science & Knowledge

I wanted to try to do some lettering. I wasn't sure what words to choose, but after seeing so many "faith" and "believe" tattoos, I opted for those words that seems less common ;) (well, actually there's quite an amount of very nice science related tattoos, from equations to artistic rendition of electrons etc.).



Science and knowledge lettering tattoos

Politics Quotes By Popular Persons

A good politician is quite as unthinkable as an honest burglar.
H. L. Mencken

Run for office? No. I've slept with too many women, I've done too many drugs, and I've been to too many parties.
George Clooney

Today, the L.A. Times accused Arnold Schwarzenegger of groping six women. I'm telling you, this guy is presidential material.
Dave Letterman

Politicians are wonderful people as long as they stay away from things they don't understand, such as working for a living.
P. J. ORourke

Politics is perhaps the only profession for which no preparation is thought necessary.
Robert Louis Stevenson

Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book.
Ronald Reagan

"Nicht schiessen!"

"Du hast eine Pistole - Ich hab keine Pistole!" ... aber eine Bomb'!

Guns against art in the latest issue of GEOLION magazine for kids. Found on Jym129's blog.







Letter from scout camp




Dear Mommy & Daddy,
Our Scoutmaster told us to write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and are worried. We are okay. Only one of our tents and 2 sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily, none of us got drowned because we were all up on the mountain looking for Veron when it happened.

Oh yes, please call Veron's mother and tell her he is okay. He can't write because of the cast. I got to ride in one of the search and rescue jeeps. It was neat. We never would have found Veron in the dark if it hadn't been for the lightning.
Scoutmaster Suyong got mad at Veron for going on a hike alone without telling anyone. Veron said he did tell him, but it was during the fire so he probably didn't hear him. Did you know that if you put gas on a fire, the gas will blow up?

The wet wood didn't burn, but one of the tents did and also some of our clothes. Matthew is going to look weird until his hair grows back.
We will be home on Saturday if Scoutmaster Suyong gets the bus fixed. It wasn't his fault about the wreck. The brakes worked okay when we left. Scoutmaster Suyong said that with a bus that old you have to expect something to break down; that's probably why he can't get insurance.

We think it's a neat bus. He doesn't care if we get it dirty and if it's hot, sometimes he lets us ride on the fenders. It gets pretty hot with 45 people in a bus made for 24. He let us take turns riding in the trailer until the highway patrol man stopped and talked to us.
Scoutmaster Suyong is a neat guy. Don't worry, he is a good driver. In fact, he is teaching Jessie how to drive on the mountain roads where there isn't any cops. All we ever see up there are logging trucks.
This morning all of the guys were diving off the rocks and swimming out to the rapids. Scoutmaster Suyong wouldn't let me because I can't swim, and Veron was afraid he would sink because of his cast, it's concrete because we didn't have any plaster, so he let us take the canoe out. It was great. You can still see some of the trees under the water from the flood.

Scoutmaster Suyong isn't crabby like some scoutmasters. He didn't even get mad about the life jackets. He has to spend a lot of time working on the bus so we are trying not to cause him any trouble.
Guess what? We have all passed our first aid merit badges. When Andrew dived into the lake and cut his arm, we got to see how a tourniquet works.
Steven and I threw up, but Scoutmaster Suyong said it probably was just food poisoning from the leftover chicken. He said they got sick that way with food they ate in prison. I'm so glad he got out and became our scoutmaster. He said he sure figured out how to get things done better while he was doing his time. By the way, what is a pedal-file?

I have to go now. We are going to town to mail our letters & buy some more beer and ammo. Don't worry about anything. We are fine and tonight it's my turn to sleep in the Scoutmaster's tent.
Love, Johnny


Indolence

I always enjoy watching my Parisian friends go on travel. New photos of their latest adventures to Serbia and Bosnia-Herzegovina on Indolence.fr



























Celtic key

A golden celtic key. I had fun doing the knotwork pattern on it.

Celtic key tattoo design

The Force Is With Them!

Today's favourite. This made this f**king rainy summer slightly better!



Stylefile Magazine No.36

New STYLEFILE magazine from Germany out now. Including a big OSMAN special. Der Mann macht alles richtig. Klick to enlarge.















Rain & Blood Drops

Here are two new mini canvas series available now. 10 pcs each colour drop way. Spraypaint and marker on canvas wrapped on cardboard. Size 18x24cm. Get them at RockawayBear.com SOLD OUT!







The Magical Frog

The magical frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."

The woman freed the magical frog, and the magical frog said, "Thank you,but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!"

The woman said, "That's okay." For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.

The magical frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make Your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to. "

The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful Woman and he will have eyes only for me." So, -she's the most beautiful woman in the world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.


The magical frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he will be ten times richer than you." The woman said,


"That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine."


So, -she's the richest woman in the world!


The magical frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."


Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.


Attention female readers: This is the end of the story for you. Stop here and continue feeling good.


Male readers: Please scroll down.

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The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife!!!
Moral of the story: Women are really dumb but think they're really smart.
Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show

PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen

Samoan Maori shoulder tattoo design

Hi,



Here's the 3rd design of my latest sketches in a Samoan inspired tattoo set. This design has some influences from the Maori style, but is mainly filled with Samoan patterns.



I started with a pencil and roughly sketched the outer lines, then traced some tribal patterns:



samoan tattoo drawings and pencil sketchessamoan designs download for free shoulder images









































For these symmetrical Samoan designs it's always a bit of a surprise how the final design will look. I only draw half the design and then mirror it in Photoshop. This seems easy, but it quity tricky to design the patterns in such a way that it doesn't have an obvious vertical line in the center.



Here's a picture of half the design finished:











































You can order the finished high resolution design right now, by simply clicking the "Buy now" button. Once I receive your payment, you'll receive an e-mail with a high resolution image + a linedrawing/stencil for your tattoo artist.





Samoan inspired shoulder sleeve design 3


samoan inspired shoulder sleeve tattoo with moari designs



Size: 30 x 24 cm (12 x 9 inches)
Product code: Samoan 103
Price: 41,65 euro (57 USD)






Any questions? Just let me know.



Kind regards, Mark Storm

info@storm3d.com

www.storm3d.com









maori samoan shoulder tattoo design mixed sleeve

...

Just up to finish a new series of mini canvases. They gonna be available tomorrow for a bargain here at Rockawaybear.com



Music while painting...

























Chokografie

Some really nice action flix from Chokografie.



















Chimp's Super Bowl in Berlin

DaveTheChimp and friends just finished this skate bowl in Berlin. Looks like big work but great fun. Follow the progress here.









Cactus Trooper / DIY sheet for download

I wrote about Nick Knite's paper folded Teddy Trooper tribute a little while ago. We joined forces and now you can download the "Cactus Trooper" DIY style sheet for printing, cutting, folding and glueing. Thanx Nick for this nice gimmick!



Cactus Trooper - download here!



Art Walk For Human Rights / Oslo

Preparing my stuff for the upcoming event in Oslo/Norway. Together with artists like TheLondonPolice, Galo, Logan Hicks, Shepard Fairey, Will Barras and more we will turn some walls into big murals there. Hopefully bringing back some good vibes after all this incredible tragedy. Also there will be a group exhibition on August 19th. Get all informatons on the TJ Artwalk website.



wholesaler in New York

The story is related to a wholesaler in New York who sent a letter to the postmaster
Of a small Midwestern town. He asked for the name of honest lawyer who take
Debt collection cases for a local debtor who had refused to pay for shipping
of wholesaler's products. He sent the answer.

"Dear Sir:

"I am the postmaster of this village and acknowledged your letter. I am an honest lawyer, i
Will be pleased to accept the lawsuit against the local debtor. In this case, I also happen to be the person you sold those lousy goods to.I received your demand to pay, refused to honor it. I am also the banker whom you send the plan to draw on  the merchant, and I sent it back with a note stating that merchant had refused to traders pay. And I, to replace our local church pastor for the time being, i Will say the only place where you can stick to your claim. "

Yet another Lawyer joke for your amusement :

A man went to his lawyer and told him, “My neighbor owes me $500 and he doesn't want
to pay up. What should I do?”
“Do you have any proof?” asked the lawyer.
“Nope,”" replied the man.
“Okay, then write him a letter asking him for the $1000 he owed you,” said the lawyer.
“But it's only $500,” replied the man.
“Precisely. That's what he will reply and we will have the proof we need to nail him.”

Strawberries tattoo

Strawberries \o/.  Colors are partly pencil, partly digital.

Also, a huge thank again to the person who sent me a photo of a design from this blog, tattooed. I was a great surprise and really made my day ^^. 
strawberries tattoo design, with swirls

Samoan tattoo for the shoulder

Hi,



I have been quite busy for the last few weeks, but I wanted to show you some sketches and tattoo pieces that I did. It's another Samaon/Maori inspired shoulder sleeve I did for my galleries.



As you can read in my previous post, I'm working on a new series of Samoan inspired tattoos for the shoulder, with some influences from the Maori style.

You can find all 3 Samoan sleeves here.





Here's the second sketch I did:



Samoan shoulder tattoo design sketch maori style





































This design is roughly based/inspired by the Sonny Bill Williams tattoo.

It has really detailed tribal elements and covers the upperarm from shoulder to elbow. It wraps around to the biceps and back side of the arm.



You can order the high resolution image of this design, by simply clicking the "buy now" below. You get the high quality files sent by e-mail once I receive your payment.




Samoan inspired shoulder tattoo design 2






Size: 30 x 24 cm (12 x 9 inches)
Product code: Samoan 102
Price: 41,65 euro (57 USD)








Any questions? Just let me know.



Kind regards, Mark Storm

info@storm3d.com

www.storm3d.com









Sidekick Troopers / Canvas Series

While busily working on a series of classic Teddy Trooper designs on wooden boxes for my upcoming exhibition in Torino/IT at the GaloArtGallery i just made an additional series of 2 on canvas (wrapped on cardboard) for those who can't make it to Italy. Be quick and get one of the at RockawayBear.com SOLD OUT!



Bon appetit, chaton!

Marriage Software Division

This is what a guy wrote to  systems analyst
(Marriage Software Division):

Dear Systems Analyst,

I am desperate for some help! I recently upgraded my program from Girlfriend
7.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that the new program began unexpected Child Processing and also took up a lot of space and valuable resources.

This wasn't mentioned in the product brochure. In addition Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during systems initialization and then it monitors all other system activities.

Applications such as "Boys' Night out 2.5" and "Golf 5.3" no longer run, and crashes the system whenever selected. Attempting to operate selected "Saturday Rugby 6.3" always fails and "Saturday Shopping 7.1" runs instead.
I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background whilst attempting to run any of my favorite applications. Be it online or offline.

I am thinking of going back to "Girlfriend 7.0", but uninstall doesn't work on this program. Can you please help?

... AND THIS IS WHAT ANALYST SAID:

Dear Customer,

This is a very common problem resulting from a basic misunderstanding of the functions of the Wife 1.0 program. Many customers upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 thinking that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITY AND ENTERTAINMENT PROGRAM. Actually, Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM designed by its Creator to run everything on your current platform.

You are unlikely to be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0, as Wife 1.0 was not designed to do this and it is impossible to uninstall, delete or purge the program files from the System once it is installed.

Some people have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but have ended up with even more problems. (See manual under Alimony/Child Support and Solicitors' Fees).

Having Wife 1..0 installed, I recommend you keep it Installed and deal with the difficulties as best as you can. When any faults or problems occur, whatever you think has caused them, you must run the.........
C:\ APOLOGIZE\ FORGIVE ME.EXE Program and avoid attempting to use the *Esc-Key for it will freeze the entire system.

It may be necessary to run C:\ APOLOGIZE\ FORGIVE ME.EXE a number of times, and eventually hope that the operating system will return to normal.

Wife 1.0, although a very high maintenance programme, can be very rewarding.
To get the most out of it, consider buying additional Software such as "Flowers 2.0" and "Chocolates 5.0" or "HUGS\ KISSES 600.0" or "TENDERNESS\ UNDERSTANDING 1000.0" or even Eating Out Without the Kids 7.2.1" (if Child processing has already started).

DO NOT under any circumstances install "Secretary 2.1 " (Short Skirt Version)
or "One Nightstand 3.2" (Any Mood Version), as this is not a supported Application for Wife 1.0 and the system will almost certainly CRASH.

BEST WISHES! and if everything fails, contact software maker- tech support and ask to speak to the Head of Operations - named GOD for solutions to all your wife.1 software problem.

Yours, Systems Analyst..

In der Nacht...

... sind alle Katzen... blau!